I am the very model of a blaseball law professional,
I've information on the suits with detail made obsessional,
The prosecution's case is strong; put parker in confessional,
To learn why Eat the Rich went bye with his title accessional;

For ETR was brought about by voting thought congressional,
And players found its sudden loss had impact most recessional, 
Came forth the Coin to herald in an age of peace, prosperity—
While on her flip side plunging us into needless austerity.

You may well think these legal claims of wire fraud just sound absurd,
Commissioner PM CEO Parker McMillan the Third
But given info on the suits with detail made obsessional
I am the very model of a blaseball law professional!